Kumiko (00:02.614)
Welcome to the Miko Love podcast. I'm your host, Kumiko Love. And when I'm not educating about personal finance as the budget mom, I'm here diving into the exploration of my own passions and exploring a range of captivating topics. It's time to dive into conversations that ignite curiosity and inspire. Welcome back to the Miko Love podcast. I'm your host, Kumiko Love. And if you are new to the podcast, welcome. I am so happy you are here. Today, we're going to be doing this deep

dive into a topic that I believe so many of us struggle with. And we do so often silently and often with a lot of shame. And that is habitual shopping. Now, this is going to be a really vulnerable and eye-opening episode. And I just want to start by saying this is a judgment-free space.

So this episode is not about shaming you for the way that you spend your money. It's about helping you understand why you might be stuck in spending patterns that don't feel good, that feel really compulsive, that feel hard to break. And most importantly, how can you start healing from them? So let's talk about it. What is habitual shopping? So habitual shopping is different

from the occasional splurge or retail therapy after a hard week. This isn't about grabbing, say, a new candle at Target because it smells good. Habitual shopping is when buying becomes a reflex. It becomes something you do to regulate your emotions. It's that automatic pull toward the checkout button when you're bored or you're overwhelmed or anxious, lonely, or even sometimes happy.

It's the cycle of spending not because you need or even really want something, but because the act of buying gives you a temporary hit of relief or joy or distraction, but that feeling. I want to start really with the science because I think it's so important to understand that this isn't about willpower.

Kumiko (02:21.388)
You're not broken or weak if you do habitual shopping. There are real psychological mechanisms behind habitual shopping that we have to acknowledge. So when you buy something, especially something you perceive as maybe rewarding or pleasurable, your brain releases dopamine, that feel good chemical, that rush of dopamine can create this feedback loop.

You feel a little down, you shop, you feel a temporary high. That relief reinforces the behavior. And before you even realize it, you're reaching for your phone or you're pulling up a tab to scroll Amazon without even thinking about it. That's how the habit gets wired into your brain. But here's the thing, dopamine doesn't just reward pleasure. It also motivates you.

to seek out that pleasure again and again. That means your brain starts looking for ways to create or recreate that high. It turns shopping into something that feels urgent, necessary, or like a quick fix when life feels really messy. And marketers know this. Entire industries are built around making you feel

like you need to buy something to solve a problem. Social media influencers, algorithms, targeted ads, they're all engineered to keep you in a state of desire. And this is not an accident. Now I wanna get into more of the emotional side of this because yes, the science matters, but so does your lived experience. So habitual shopping often becomes

a coping mechanism for unaddressed emotional pain. For some people, it could be a childhood trauma. For others, it could be anxiety, depression, loneliness, or the pressure to maintain this certain image. Now, I've talked to so many people who say, I shop when I'm stressed, or I shop when I feel like I have no control over anything else in my life.

Kumiko (04:39.787)
And if that resonates with you, I want you to know you're not alone. You're human. You're just looking for a way to feel okay. And shopping is what your brain latched onto. But here's where the transformation really begins. Awareness. We can't change what we don't understand. So if you're listening to this right now and realizing, wow, I do that. I want you to pause and ask yourself, what am I?

actually looking for when I go shopping or when I shop? Is it comfort? Is it a distraction for something painful? Is it a way to feel in control? Start getting curious, not judgmental, just curious. And then let's talk about what to actually do about it. Because that's why you're here, right? You want to change it. You want to stop feeling out of control with your money. You want to stop accumulating stuff you don't need.

and then debt you can't manage. You want peace. So the first step is pattern recognition. Start tracking your spending in a way that shows you more than just the numbers. So I don't want you to just write down what you bought. Write down what you were feeling before you clicked buy. What time of day was it? What happened before that moment? Who are you with? Were you alone?

Were you scrolling social media? Because what you're going to notice is this. There are patterns. There are emotional patterns, behavioral patterns. You are not just randomly spending. You're spending to something. And if you can figure out what that is, you can start changing the way you respond. That's the key. Now I want to talk about triggers because a lot of the time,

Habitual shopping is triggered by specific emotional states or environments. So maybe it's stress, maybe it's boredom, maybe it's being in a certain store, seeing a specific influencer. I cannot tell you how many accounts I stopped following because I realized and I saw patterns in my spending when I saw these people online. And that's okay.

Kumiko (07:03.414)
So identifying your personal triggers can be incredibly empowering because once you see them, you can either prepare for them or you can set up healthy money boundaries around them. You can create new responses. So for example, let's say you always shop online late at night when you're feeling maybe anxious. What if instead of reaching for your phone, you had a list of other things you could do instead?

like maybe journaling or stretching or listening to maybe a calming podcast, you start creating a new habit, a new path. And the more you practice that, the stronger that new habit becomes. Another huge piece of this is self-compassion. Because here's what I've learned working with thousands of people on their financial journey, shame never heals.

behavior. It only hides it. If you've been beating yourself up for your spending habits, I want you to stop. You can't shame yourself into healing. You can only love yourself into healing. That means being honest with yourself, yes, but also being kind, being gentle, being curious instead of critical. When you can sit with yourself and say,

I'm doing the best I can with the tools I have. That's when change really starts to happen because now you're in a place where you can start learning new tools, not just punishing yourself for not having them before. So I want to talk about one more thing, and that's the role of identity. Because habitual shopping isn't just about behavior. It's about identity. If you see yourself as someone who

just isn't good with money, or someone who can't control their spending, that identity is going to keep showing up in your actions. But what if you started shifting that? What if you started saying, I'm learning to be someone who makes mindful choices with money. I'm learning to care for myself in a new way. So I know we've already covered

Kumiko (09:29.918)
a lot. cover the science, the emotion, triggers, but I feel like this is where we're just kind of getting started. I want to walk you through some kind of deeper strategies you can implement to break free from the cycle of habitual shopping. Now, the next part is really talking about something that isn't often discussed in personal finance, but I think is one of the most important pieces of this puzzle.

It's your nervous system. If you were constantly operating from a state of fight, flight, or freeze, you're not going to make the best financial decisions. Your brain is wired for survival in those moments, not long-term planning. And here's the thing, many of us live in a chaotic state of dysregulation. We don't even realize we're stuck there. So what can we do?

We learn to regulate our nervous systems in healthy ways. We learn how to bring ourselves back into a state of safety without relying on shopping. Now that might look like maybe deep breathing. It might look like some grounding exercises. It might look like taking a walk, drinking some water, or just placing maybe a hand on your chest and reminding yourself that you're safe.

Now this might sound a little weird, it might sound a little small, but I promise you it's not. Learning how to calm your nervous system is one of the most powerful skills you can build if you wanna change your spending habits. Because when your body feels safe, your mind becomes clear. You can make aligned decisions. You can pause before reacting and that

That gives you the opportunity to check in with yourself to ask, do I really want this? Or am I trying to escape something? That pause creates space for a new choice. And over time, those new choices, they add up. They become new patterns, new identities, new freedom. I want to talk about also building emotional resilience next.

Kumiko (11:52.458)
Because this journey isn't just about stopping the spending. It's about learning how to feel things, really feel them. So without numbing, without distracting, without avoiding, shopping often becomes a way to bypass emotional discomfort. It lets us escape our sadness, our fear, our anger, our grief, but healing means we learn how to sit.

with those emotions. We learn how to process them. We learn how to move through them without turning to spending as a crutch. And yes, that's really hard, but it's also incredibly powerful because once you learn that you can feel hard things and survive them, you really become unstoppable. Your emotions no longer control you. You become the one in charge.

So if you wanna build emotional resilience, start small. When you notice the urge to shop, pause, ask yourself what you are feeling. And instead of reaching for your credit card or your debit card, reach for a journal, write it out, name it, sit with it. And then ask yourself, what do I really need right now? What would comfort me that doesn't cost anything? That's the work.

That's the healing. So now I really wanna talk about creating a spending plan that supports that healing. So not just your budget goals, but your emotional goals, your life goals, because so often we create budgets that feel kind of restrictive. They're all about what we can't do. But what if your spending plan became a source of safety and clarity?

What if it was a true reflection of your values and your healing? So let's talk about what that healing centered spending plan actually looks like because here's the truth. Your money needs to reflect your values, not your stress, not your impulses, not your wounds, definitely not someone else's expectations. So we start by redefining what success looks like in your budget.

Kumiko (14:14.092)
So instead of asking how much did I save or how much debt did I pay off, those are really good questions. Don't get me wrong, but I also want you to ask, did my money help me feel grounded today? Did I make that spending decision with intention? Did I honor my emotional state before I made that purchase? So we're not just building spreadsheets here. We're building self-

Trust. And your spending plan should include room for the things that genuinely support your well-being. Now, if buying a coffee once a week makes you feel joyfully connected to your morning routine, then let that be part of your plan. If having a beauty budget helps you feel more confident and cared for, that's okay too. What we're not doing anymore is spending mindlessly or reactively.

We're moving toward intention, toward honesty, toward alignment. And another thing I want to mention here is boundaries. Because so many people I work with spend compulsively not because they want to, but because they don't have boundaries with others. Maybe it's a partner who pressures them to spend. Maybe it's the guilt of saying no to their kids or friends. Maybe it's the pressure to keep up appearances. If that's you, I want you to know that your healing may require

some really hard conversations. And those conversations are worth it. You're allowed to protect your freaking piece. You're allowed to say, hey, that doesn't work for me financially right now. You're allowed to be honest. Like the word no is a full sentence and it doesn't require an explanation. So the last piece I wanna touch on here is community. So I think it's really important.

If you're dealing with impulsive, compulsive, or habitual shopping in your life, you don't have to do this healing alone. Healing from a habitual shopping isn't just a personal journey. It's also a relational one. So surrounding yourself with people who support your growth, who honor your goals, who don't judge you for wanting to do things differently, that's powerful.

Kumiko (16:34.674)
So whether that's a friend, a coach, a support group, an online community like TBM Family, find your people. Because the truth is most of us are carrying secret shame around money. And the more we can talk about it and normalize it and heal it together, the more free we all become. So as I wrap up the episode, I want you to hear me loud and clear. You're not broken.

You're not weak. You're not a failure because you've struggled with spending. You're human. And you're capable of healing, of learning, of growing, of becoming someone who trusts themselves with money, with emotions, with hard moments. You can rewrite your relationship with shopping. You can build new patterns.

You can create a life that doesn't revolve around the next purchase, but instead revolves around peace, purpose, and real fulfillment. So thank you so much for being here with me today. Thank you for listening with an open heart. And thank you for doing the brave, beautiful work of looking inward, because that's the most important thing. Until next time.

you are enjoying the podcast, make sure to subscribe, share this podcast with your friends, and leave a review wherever you are listening. Your support helps me reach even more listeners and keeps the conversation going. Until next time, keep feeding your curiosity.