Kumiko (00:02.83)
Welcome to the Miko Love Podcast. I'm your host, Kamiko Love. And when I'm not educating about personal finance as the budget mom, I'm here diving into the exploration of my own passions and exploring a range of captivating topics. It's time to dive into conversations that ignite curiosity and inspire. Welcome to the Miko Love Podcast. I'm your host, Kamiko Love. And if you're new to the podcast, welcome. I am so happy you are here.

So today's episode is one I've been thinking about for a really long time. It's something I see showing up kind of in my own life, in my work, and in the world around me. And honestly, I don't think we're talking about it enough. Today we're gonna be diving into the cost of perfectionism in the Instagram era and really social media era, and not just how it makes us feel,

like we're constantly kind of falling short, but what it's doing to how we live, how we connect with others, and really how we raise our kids. Because I don't think this is just about social media. I think this is about how our culture has quietly redefined what it means to be quote unquote enough. And it's left a lot of us, especially I feel like women,

especially moms, feeling like we're in this kind of constant performance, like our lives have to look a certain way just to be acceptable. So today, I want to pull back the curtain on all of that. We're going to be talking about where this pressure comes from, what it's doing to us mentally and emotionally, what it's teaching our children.

and how it's pushing us to spend more and more money chasing something that might not even exist, that I know doesn't exist. So let's get into it. Before we begin today's episode, I wanna offer a gentle content warning. In this conversation, we will be discussing topics related to mental health, including anxiety, depression, and the rising rates of suicide among children and teens.

Kumiko (02:15.36)
If these topics are difficult for you to hear right now, please take care of yourself in the way that feels right. This episode is meant to open up an honest and really important conversation, but of course your wellbeing always comes first. Now, perfectionism isn't new, but what it looks like today, that's completely different from what it was, say, even a decade ago. It used to be about doing really well, getting straight A's.

earning the promotion, being a great parent. Now it's about being seen doing well and doing it beautifully, consistently, publicly. Now in this Instagram era, perfectionism has moved from achievement to appearance. The pressure has shifted from simply being good at something to looking good while

doing it. We're not just trying to live full lives, we're trying to live lives that photograph well, lives that fit into a carefully curated grid, lives that can be edited, filtered, and really presented to strangers for approval. And when we perform that much,

and we begin to lose the thread of who we really are, we become experts at shaping perception. But really, we also start to forget how to just be, to be messy, to be learning, to be human. I feel like that's really the modern face of perfectionism. And it's this constant visibility.

Constant editing, constant pressure. And here's the freaking kicker. The culture of perfectionism isn't accidental. It has been commercialized. We are now participants in an economy that profits off of our insecurities. Platforms like Instagram are engineered to reward the most polished

Kumiko (04:35.48)
content, know that posts with clean aesthetics, flattering lighting, aspirational messaging gets more engagement. The better it looks, the more it's shared. This has turned our lives into performances and performance in today's culture often means consumption. Think about it. We buy more skincare, clothing, gadgets, organizational tools, and supplements

than any generation before us. I mean, think about this. How many people do you think out there have bought literally the little organizational trays for their fridge after seeing these huge fridge, unrealistic fridge restocks? Okay, not because we need them, but because we've been sold the idea that the solution to our discomfort is a product. That if we can just fix this one thing, our...

our closet, our pantry, our fridge, our body will finally feel at peace. But peace isn't sold in a bottle or in a product. Contentment doesn't arrive in a package on your front door. And this kind of curated life we're chasing, it's a moving target, I feel like. Perfectionism has become a business model.

And the more we compare ourselves to the illusion, the more we spend trying to measure up. Now I want to talk about something harder to quantify, but I feel like it's just as damaging. It's the emotional cost. So perfectionism doesn't usually arrive kind of like a storm. I feel like it

creeps in quietly, tells you to re-record that video because your voice sounded weird. It makes you second-guess your caption. It has you editing photos at midnight instead of sleeping. It tells you over and over again that you still haven't done enough. It's that voice that says, don't post that. You looked tired. Don't wear that. It doesn't match. Say the vibe. Don't share that.

Kumiko (06:52.648)
no one will really care. Perfectionism whispers, but the damage is really, really loud. Over time, it chips away at our ability to show up honestly. It makes us feel like we have to earn love, visibility, and belonging through polish and performance. And I think really worst of all, it isolates us because

We're all pretending. We're all looking at each other's highlight reels and comparing them to our behind the scenes mess. We feel alone in our imperfections, not realizing that everyone else is really hiding theirs too. And this is where it gets incredibly serious because we're not the only ones paying the price or paying attention. Our kids are watching and they're absorbing. They're learning.

Children today are growing up with more access to technology and social media than ever before. They're really getting a front row seat to this culture of digital perfection and they're internalizing it younger and faster than we ever did. They're measuring their worth by likes and views before they even understand what self-worth really is. And the consequences are devastating.

The suicide rate among children and adolescents has increased dramatically over the last 10 years. Kids are struggling with anxiety, depression, body image issues, loneliness, all magnified by constant access to cure rated content. They're not just comparing themselves to classmates anymore.

They're comparing themselves to influencers with professional lighting, filters, and sometimes even plastic surgery. And it's really not fair. They're growing up believing that to be accepted, they must be flawless. That imperfection is failure. That vulnerability is weakness. And it's not just affecting their mental health. It's affecting how they communicate, how they form relationships, how they see themselves.

Kumiko (09:14.368)
If we want our kids to grow up knowing they are enough, we have to show them what that actually looks like. And it really starts with us as parents. Now I want to talk about the word enough for a second. We throw it around, but do we actually know what it means? The word enough used to be about sufficiency, about having what you need

about safety, satisfaction, completion. But today, I feel like enough has been hijacked by comparison. Now it's not about what we need to feel whole, it's about how we measure up to everyone else. And the truth is, when you're constantly chasing this aesthetic ideal, enough becomes truly unreachable. Enough isn't what you see.

in the mirror on your best day. It's not what the algorithm rewards. Enough is what you feel when you stop chasing and start resting. When you stop hustling for your worth and you begin honoring your reality. It's when your home is clean enough to live in. Your body is healthy enough to carry you through the day. Your parenting is present enough to show your kids love. Enough is personal.

It's not a standard someone else can define for you. It's not something you can buy or filter or organize into existence. And here's the hard truth. No amount of consumption will make you feel like enough if value is tied to visibility. So instead of asking, how can I be more? What if we ask, what am I ready to let go of? What expectation, what pressure?

what version of perfection isn't serving you anymore. That's where peace, I feel like, really starts. We are the first generation navigating this kind of visibility, the first to experience what it feels like to curate ourselves 24-7. And we have the power to shape a different narrative for ourselves and for our kids. That starts with choosing presence over perfection.

Kumiko (11:32.96)
It means showing up online and offline without always editing who we are. It means resting without guilt, spending without shame, living without constantly explaining ourselves. It means teaching our children that they are not the sum of their freaking selfies, that they don't need to brand themselves to be long. Now this work is not easy, but it really matters.

If you're feeling tired of the chase, if you're overwhelmed by the pressure to keep up, I want you to know you're not broken. You're responding to a culture that makes us all feel like we're never enough. But you can opt out. You can slow down, you can define enough on your own terms, and when you do, you not only reclaim your peace, you show others that they can do the same.

So thank you for being here with me today. I know this episode was more on a serious note, but I think it's really important to talk about if this episode moved you, if it made you pause or reflect, please share it. Remember, you are not here to be perfect. You're here to be real. Until next time.

If you are enjoying the podcast, make sure to subscribe, share this podcast with your friends and leave a review wherever you are listening. Your support helps me reach even more listeners and keeps the conversation going. Until next time, keep feeding your curiosity.