Kumiko (00:01.646)
Welcome to the Miko Love podcast. I'm your host, Kumiko Love. And when I'm not educating about personal finance as the budget mom, I'm here diving into the exploration of my own passions and exploring a range of captivating topics. It's time to dive into conversations that ignite curiosity and inspire. welcome back to another episode of the Miko Love podcast. If you are new, then welcome. I am so glad you are here. I'm Kumiko Love. And today we're going to be diving into a topic

that I briefly touched on a couple episodes ago. So I did an episode called Ask Me Anything. And this is basically where I took listeners' pre -submitted questions and answered them in a dedicated episode. And one of the questions that was asked was, Miko, how do you establish or how have you figured out work -life balance? And after that episode aired, I thought to myself, I really wish I would have answered that question differently or I wish I would have expanded on that topic. So today I want to dedicate a full episode to establishing boundaries in your life and kind of what that has looked like in my personal life and my journey. I think it's crucial and really important not only to protect yourself mentally but in all areas of your life. So before we dive into kind of my journey and story with setting boundaries and kind of my struggle with that.

Let's talk about what I mean by setting boundaries. So essentially, boundaries are kind of just this symbolic line of separation that help protect your personal space and honor your physical and emotional needs. Okay, this is why we set boundaries. There are many boundaries to set that you can set in your life. There's emotional, there's mental, there's physical, there's financial, there's relationship boundaries.

So there are many different types. So today the big ones I'm gonna be talking about are your emotional, mental, physical, and financial. Setting financial boundaries in my life as well as personal boundaries has really helped me find balance in my life, especially with all the different hats that I wear and all the different things that I do. So as many of you know, I'm a busy mom of two boys.

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One just turned 12 and the other just turned one in July. So my life is kind of this whirlwind of activities from running two businesses to keeping up with hobbies like my sourdough baking, gardening, and taking care of my little farm animals, my goats, and my chickens. Add to that the life of an online creator, and you can imagine seriously how chaotic things can get in my life.

But through it all, I've discovered that one of the most powerful tools in my life has been setting boundaries. It's not, don't confuse this with just saying no. It's about creating space for the things that truly matter and protecting my peace. It's literally choosing what I choose to spend my energy, time, and attention on. So today I wanna share that journey with you as well as some practical tips that have

help me along the way. So let's start with the concept of saying no. For a long, long time, I was a people pleaser. I felt obligated to say yes to every request, every opportunity, every favor. I didn't want to let anyone down. And I thought by saying yes, I was being a good person, a good friend, a good mom. But what I didn't realize was that by constantly saying yes to others,

I was saying no to myself. I was stretching myself too thin and it was taking a toll on my mental and emotional wellbeing. I remember when I first started the Budget Mom back in 2016, now we really started growing and getting media attention, I would say around the middle of 2018 to an on. I mean, we still do. So really the middle of 2018 is when the media really ramped up for us.

and a lot of different opportunities were coming up for the budget mom. And so I was trying to do every magazine interview, every TV interview. I was flying between here in Washington, between here in New York, here in LA, flying into studio. Then I was approached about writing a book and I was saying yes to all these different things, which means that I wasn't giving 100 % because when you're stretched so thin,

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It's hard for you to give 100 % to one area of your life, right? You're literally giving a small piece of yourself to stretching yourself among all these other things. So the first tip I wanna share is learning to say no without guilt. And here's the thing, saying no can be no full stop period. It doesn't have to be followed by an explanation or a definition. It can just be simply a no.

This can be really challenging, especially if you are someone who's used to accommodating others. But here's the thing, when you say no to something that doesn't serve you, you're actually saying yes to something that does. So you're saying yes to more time with your family, for your business, for your own self -care. And that's something to be proud of, not something to feel guilty about.

Now the next thing I wanna talk about, so that's one area I feel like I had to learn to say no without feeling guilty and realize that when I was saying no to one thing, I was actually saying yes to other things. The next thing I wanna talk about is kind of, and I'm not gonna, for the privacy of the people in my life and my family and friends, I'm not gonna name like,

individuals. But I want to talk about toxic relationships for a second. We've all had them. We've all been in them. Those relationships that just seem to frickin drain us, that bring us more stress than joy, that are more one -sided than reciprocal. It took me a really long time to realize that not all relationships are meant to last. Some people come into our lives to teach us something.

and then it's time to let them go. But letting go is easier said than done, right? Especially if it's a family member or a close friend or someone we thought was a close friend. This brings me to my second tip. Identify and walk away from toxic or one -sided relationships. This might be say a friend who only calls when they need something from you.

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or maybe a colleague from work who constantly undermines you. It can even be a family member who refuses to respect your boundaries. It's really, really tough because in my life, on my journey, I felt like the more successful I became, the smaller my circle became. It's like,

I really learn when you go through all these different phases of life, this has happened to me in a couple areas and different points in my life. Having a baby, I felt like I lost friends or people in my circle when that happened. They stopped calling. They made the assumption that I didn't want to go out. You know, they stopped inviting me to places because they just assumed, you know, I have baby duties and all these things.

Sometimes it was just the fact that we're just in different points of our life. I've had to cut out family members. And unfortunately, some of these family members are members that you would think traditionally I should be very, very, very close to. And unfortunately I'm not. Because it got to the point where I realized why keep someone in your life?

If they are not there to support you, to love you, to cheer you on, if that person in your life is constantly trying to bring you down, bringing you more stress than peace, making you feel hurt instead of loved, and is only there to undermine you and make you fall on your face or try to fall on your face, it's not worth having that person in your life. It's just

time to say bye. And I think it's really like one of the things I think about is that saying that it's okay to love someone from afar. Like it's not to say that I don't love these people. It's just I know that it's better for me mentally not to have them in my life. So I love them from afar. And so it's a tough for me it was tough but

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I'll tell you what, when I did it, it was like this huge weight, this blanket of peace that was brought over me in my life where I no longer felt like that area, my energy was no longer drained on these relationships. Remember, it's not so much about cutting people off. It's about creating space for healthier, more supported relationships.

Now, another area that I really struggled with. So as an online, I hate the word influencer. I hate that word. As an online creator and what I do with the budget mom, I am constantly online showing my face on socials, on Instagram, YouTube. I've faced some unique challenges. Privacy. In the beginning, I started

sharing everything about my life online. Right, I shared my real numbers and I still share my numbers to this day, but with some boundaries. I thought that because I was going online, trying to help people, educate people about personal finance, that in order to do that, I had to open my life to everyone, that there was no privacy or

personal space for me. It was just out there. That in order to help people, I had to give them exclusive rights to my life. There's this constant pressure to share everything with your audience, to be completely transparent and open no matter what. And I believe in authenticity. I believe in being transparent.

but I've also come to realize that it's O to K to keep some things just for me. I've realized that I don't need to share something immediately right when it happens. I'm allowed to take time to sit on it, to think about it, to react to it, to process it. I'm allowed to do that. For when I had to set this boundary in my life, I had to come to the realization that not

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everything needs to be shared online. And that, because of that, that doesn't make me any less authentic. I can still be raw, real, vulnerable, honest, transparent, and still have my own life. Things that I keep just for me, moments that I keep just between me and my husband or me and my children. So here's my third tip. Give yourself permission

to have privacy. You don't owe anyone access to every part of your life, especially if you are here listening to my podcast as an online creator. Maybe you have an online business. So whether it's your relationship, your family, or your personal struggles, it's okay to keep certain things private. Protecting your privacy is a form of self -care.

and it's essential for maintaining your mental and emotional wellbeing. So here, when I made that transition into setting boundaries in that area of my life, being an online creator, being the budget mom, sharing my life, my real numbers, my budget online, here's what that looked like for me. I no longer just answered questions because someone asked them. If someone came to me and asked me a question about

maybe something I wasn't quite ready to share yet, or maybe it was something I didn't want to share at all. I literally just say, I'm not answering that question right now, or I don't feel comfortable answering that, or I'm sorry, I'm not answering that. It's just that plain and simple. I also learned that in setting a boundary for privacy for myself, I wasn't just protecting myself, I was also protecting people around me and people that I love.

I used to share a lot about James when he was younger because I started the budget mom when he was about two years old. As he has gotten older, he has voiced and communicated more with me about, mom, please don't post that. Or, you know, please don't post that video or I don't want that photo. He will let me know. And I 100 % respect that. And so I don't. And what's happened is I've gotten a lot of messages and comments of, Miko, I never see James anymore.

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I've even gotten comments where I, Miko, you treat Dante way better than you do James. I never see James. Or you favor Dante over James or James is never in the picture. And Miko, why is James not here this? Well, that's because he asked me not to share those photos or those videos. And I'm not going to. If we're taking a family photo and he it's one that he doesn't want me posting, I'm not going to post one with him in it.

because I respect his boundary for privacy as well. And at 12 years old, he knows when he doesn't want something shared for the world to see, right? And so I've also had to change my boundaries based on the people that are around me, the people that I love. I got married, for instance, I'm not gonna sit here and share all of Chris's spending and his budget and all the things because

It's his privacy. It's not mine to share. It's not my story to tell. It's not my explanation to put out to the world. It's his. And so I had to kind of step back and tweak some of the things and the content that I was sharing based around those boundaries. I also learned to say, like people ask me all the time, Mika, why haven't you given us a pool tour yet of your pool in your backyard?

Well, I'm not ready to share that yet. And I've shared some glimpses into it, but that's the thing, because I started out that way, right? Sharing every aspect of my life. People still to this day, I get like these crazy requests and questions and comments asking me for things. Like they feel like they have exclusive rights to every aspect of my life.

And I know sometimes when we see people online, sometimes it's hard to connect the dots that they're a real human being. I mean, I think that's the most surprising thing about what I've learned and I've seen from what I do is how disconnected people are when it comes to like my privacy and asking me questions. It's just crazy. It's unreal. That's my third tip. Give yourself permission to have privacy.

Kumiko (16:48.876)
Now another aspect of setting boundary that has been really crucial for me is time management. Now I have a type A personality, I'm a crazy perfectionist, like everything has its own spot, like everything has to be a certain way. All right, like I'm freaking out, I'm stressed, my anxiety goes way up, right? Because I read something online, it says that basically,

The anxiety and the feelings that you have inside is a reflection of what's going on on the outside. So based on that, true for me, if it's chaotic, if I'm standing in a room that's completely messy and not organized and out of control, that's how I feel on the inside. That's just who I am. That's my personality. setting boundaries for my time management when I'm juggling

multiple roles, right? I'm mom, I'm entrepreneur, I'm influencer, I'm creator, I'm hobbyist, I'm business owner, I'm all these things. Time is my most valuable resource. And if I'm not careful, it's easy to let others dictate how I spend my time. So this is my fourth tip. Prioritize your time and be selective.

about where you spend your energy. This means being intentional about your commitments and only saying yes to things that align with your values, your goals, and what you're truly trying to accomplish. It might mean cutting back on certain activities or delegating tasks that don't require your personal attention. So by prioritizing your time, you're making room

for things that truly matter, whether that's like I said, spending quality time with your kids, focusing on maybe one aspect of your business, or simply just taking a moment to breathe. Don't think for one second that because you prioritized rest in your life that you are failing. And when I say I am

Kumiko (19:11.33)
Like one of the things that was crucial for me was time management, was learning to say no to all the things that people were telling me I needed to focus my time on. And instead, using time management, cutting my days into chunks and working on things that were important and needed for me. And sometimes that meant taking a fricking rest day. I just did it just this week. I woke up, I wasn't feeling very well.

I put up a notice on my Instagram, I'm not feeling well, taking a personal day. Before, I wouldn't have done that. Before I had my time management boundaries and my personal boundaries, my work boundaries, I wouldn't have taken that personal day. And while we're on that topic, let's not forget about the importance of self -care in this whole process. Setting boundaries is not

just about keeping others at bay. It's also about taking care of yourself. So for me, this means carving out time each day to do something that recharges me, whether it's baking sourdough, spending time in my garden, or just sitting quietly with, a cup of tea at the kitchen table. Here is my fifth tip. Make self -care a non -negotiable part of your routine.

doesn't have to be elaborate or super time consuming or take the whole day or night. It could be as simple as taking a 10 minute walk outside, reading a few pages of your book or just sitting in silence for a few minutes while you gather your thoughts. Whatever it is, make sure it's something that nourishes your soul and replenishes your energy. We all need that. The whole reason we set boundaries

is self -care. I would definitely say like part of the definition of self -care is setting boundaries. And another huge one I wanna talk about is financial boundaries. These relate to the rules and kind of the guidelines you establish around money, including spending, saving, investing, lending. These boundaries can protect not just your financial health,

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and reduce your stress and prevent misunderstandings in your relationship. But I think it's really crucial for clarity around your money and what you're doing with it in your life. So here are some examples of some financial boundaries, ones that I've set and some examples. Okay, so spending limits. So one financial boundary you might set is spending limits. So this is just...

involves say setting a budget and sticking to it to maintain your financial health. It might mean saying, you know, I have to say no to some expenses that are beyond my budget so I can say yes to other things. Lending money. This is a big boundary I have set in my life. Here's one of my rules when it comes to lending money. Number one, my number one rule.

You should not be lending any money. You should not be helping anyone in your life with money if your cup is not full. And what I mean by that is if you have debt, if you are struggling yourself and helping others is putting you even in a worse financial place, don't do it. This is what I talk about in my Budget by Paycheck process and my Building Blocks of Budgeting course.

Until your cup is full and overflowing, do not pour financially into others. The last thing I would ever want you to do is to go into debt so you can help others. I've done this in the past and it causes more harm than good. Another rule I have with lending money. When I'm lending money to friends or family,

It is not lending money. It is gifting money with no expectation of getting that money back. Okay, so those are my two hard rules when it comes to lending. And some people would say those are boundaries. So those are things that I've really had to establish as far as the financial boundaries and lending money. Shared financial responsibilities in a relationship or a living situation in general.

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This boundary really pertains to clearly defining who is responsible for which financial obligation. Communication, it is the most, people always say that, know, one of the statistics you will hear is that many, many, divorces are caused by the stress and financial issues in a marriage. But I always like to say that

communication, there's a lack, there's a break, there's a sever somewhere in that communication line when it comes to finances. You have to clearly outline who is responsible for what in the relationship to avoid any misunderstandings down the line. And not only that, not only who's responsible, but your expectations financially of someone. If both of you are walking around in the dark in the fog,

and someone does something that you weren't okay with money, maybe made a big purchase that you were not okay with. If there's no communication or clarity around money in that relationship, then down the line, you're bound to run into some issue. So you have to set boundaries in that shared financial responsibility area of your life. There can also be financial boundaries around investing and saving.

You're making independent decisions about saving and investing your money. Maybe it's like I've set certain financial goals for myself and have chosen to invest my money accordingly. I appreciate any advice, but the final decision will be mine. One of the biggest things for me when it came to investing, saving, or even like purchasing boundaries.

that I made in my life is when I decided to buy my house with cash. good Lord, I cannot even tell you. We almost broke the internet, literally. I probably got 2 ,000 messages or more immediately when I posted that. And they were not good messages. I got hate mail from days. They came from every which way. I got...

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you know, messages saying that I wasn't a real money expert because I'm making this financial choice. I was being told that I'm dumb. I was being told that, you know, I should be investing my money instead. But here's the thing before anyone started writing me telling me all these things, getting all these messages, I already set a spending boundary for myself. I already set that goal in my life.

for myself that final decision was mine and mine alone and I had my personal reasons for going that way. And I'll make sure to link. I wrote a whole article about my decision to buy my dream home with cash. I'll make sure to link it in the show notes of this episode. But essentially it didn't matter at the end of the day it didn't matter other people's opinions.

Because at the end of the day, that decision, that financial decision that was mine and mine alone to make didn't affect anyone else but me and the people in my life. You know, have you ever seen that saying like, why are you listening to the opinions of others? Look down the list of what people are saying. Do any of those peoples pay your freaking bills? No. Do any of them literally have any financial impact in your life at all? No.

So why are we sitting here worrying about what they think about what we're doing with our money? And still to this day, I've been in this house now for almost four years, still one of the best decisions I have ever made and I wouldn't change a fricking thing. I did the math, I did the calculations. I know I gave up millions of dollars to do this, but it was worth it because it aligned with my plan, my goal, my unique situation.

So that was something, a boundary I also had to set financial boundaries and just remembering that those financial decisions at the end of the day were mine to make. Now, lastly, I wanna talk about the courage to disappoint people. This was a tough lesson for me. And I mean, I kinda just went over a perfect example of that. And even though this was a tough lesson,

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and boundary for me to set, it's probably one of the most liberating things I've done and I've learned on my journey. You see, when you start setting boundaries, not everyone will understand them. Some people might be upset or disappointed, and that's okay. It's not your job to make everyone happy. So my sixth and final tip is this.

Embrace the courage to disappoint others. Understand that you cannot be everything to everyone. And that's okay. By setting boundaries, you're prioritizing your wellbeing and creating a life that's true to who you are. It might not be easy, but it's completely worth it. So I wanna remind you that setting boundaries is an act of self -love.

It's about honoring yourself, your needs and your values. It's about creating a life that's authentic to you, not who others expect you to be. And most importantly, it's about finding peace in the midst of all the freaking chaos. So I hope at the end of this episode, you can do even more research. You can start writing down different boundaries you would like to set for yourself. But here's the thing, writing boundaries down on a

piece of paper is different than actually honoring them enough to be dedicated to them. It's different than sitting in that uncomfortable place because you're sitting there honoring those boundaries even when people don't understand, even when you have to cut people out of your life, even when you have to make really hard, tough decisions, even when people don't like you because of them.

Remember, your boundaries are there to protect you, to honor you. And that's the most important thing. I hope this episode has given you some valuable insights and practical tips for setting boundaries in your own life. Remember, it's not about shutting people out. It's about protecting your peace and creating space for the things that truly matter. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of the Make -A -Love Podcast. Until next time.

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If you are enjoying the podcast, make sure to subscribe, share this podcast with your friends and leave a review wherever you are listening. Your support helps me reach even more listeners and keeps the conversation going. Until next time, keep feeding your curiosity.